KEITH SKIPPER OUTED AS COP-LOVER! by Whisky Sour

What with senior police figures facing prosecution and 'retirement', scandals over Hillsborough, phone hacking & bludgeoning innocent newspaper sellers, you might think the image of P.C. Plod couldn't sink much lower. But you'd be wrong.

Local 'iconic brand' and notoriously under-performing cricketer Keith Skipper has launched a video in which he exhorts the populace to take part in voting for the 'Police & Crime Commissioner' for Norfolk. Not only does Skippy try to trick hard-working families into participating in this farcical stunt to legitimise yet another para-military bureaucrat, he delivers his 'message' by performing a 'rap' in supposed Norfolk dialect. Moist with the thrill of worshipping authority, Skippy tells us to "Show collective courage to keep the wrong'uns out", whilst cavorting in a peurile manner. Oh dear no. Not the sort of collective courage we have in mind...

Considering the musical merits of the piece, it remains unclear whether the Home Office will be taking legal action. Theresa May is reported to have been overheard saying, "This is appalling. First the riots and now this. Its a nightmare scenario!"

For some real hardcore vernaaacular rapping, check Andy Palmer's 'Hainford Hall Rap' 

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