Rice Srebic reviews...stuff
The Sun
For fuck's sake you can't even look at it without going blind. It's a big boiling freakball in the sky and I want nothing to do with it. I've had people tell me it's the source of all life on this planet, but frankly I don't care. Have they ever touched it, held it, loved it? Well they'd only get burned...
Clearly the Sun is shit and I'd advise you to avoid it at all costs. It's only getting a star because it is actually a star. [1 star out of 5] The Pope's Poop
Recently translated from Lithuanian, this seminal novel of transgressive papal sex practices has been making waves in the putrid piss ocean of modern literature. And for good reason - it is a tour de faece.
The novel shows Miguel Saxon's attempt to follow the legendary "Brown Path" to papal power. Daringly, Jurga Parpavas also features the Pope and his Papal Proctologist as protagonists. Without wanting to give too much away, this book is not for the scatalogically sensitive. Some critics have criticised the novel for its lack of realism - there isn't a single child sex reference in the entire novel. Perhaps the author's own Catholicism is the reason for this? Pick this up before it gets banned! [5 stars out of 5] Nick Griffin’s Empty Eye Socket
Of all the eyesockets I've had the luck to enjoy I have to say Nick Griffin's is top of the bunch. I speak as a veteran of his eyesocket, I must have had sex with it more times than with my wife! At the price it is competitive compared to the other socketeers out there - only a hundred pounds a go. Though he does get stroppy if you take too long, but that for me adds to the fun.
Don't let his Holocaust denial and shady politics put you off. This is top socket action. [5 stars out of 5] Elections
I first started having elections at about the age of eleven, I think. They were just annoying. I don't understand what the fuss is about the general election? So everyone gets an election - what's so great about that? The whole female population gets to point at the male population and laugh. Why all the television coverage? All the earnest discussion? I often feel like they're taking it all too seriously.
Grow up, basically. I wonder about the future of this country. [0 stars out of 5] |
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