People are always referring to films that are so bad they're good, which is a promise that usually results in disappointment.  Ultramarines is not so bad it's good, it's so bad it's fascinating.

For those not familiar with the world of Warhammer 40,000, a table based role playing game, the Ultramarines are a chapter of the Space Marines, whose alleged purpose is to 'defend mankind'.  The film is just terrible.  However, once I got past the dreadful CGI animation and simplistic plot, I realised that my main grievance with the film was political.  The 'heroes' of the film are exaggerated depictions of a masculine ideal (there are no women in the film, and if I recall correctly, no mention of any either) who celebrate war and struggle.   The Ultramarines serve a totalitarian state, with unswerving loyalty to their Emperor.  When you throw in all the dubious Nazi iconography (eagles, skulls, Iron Crosses, etc.) it seems the filmmakers have, if unwittingly, created a pseudo fascist movie.

I mentioned some of my criticisms of the film to Harry K, who quite reasonably suggested that it was a little rich of me to unpick films on moral grounds considering my affection for everything wretched, after all one of my favourite films is Ilsa She Wolf of the SS, something I think we can all agree is morally bankrupt.  I'm probably getting my knickers in a twist, I expect Ultramarines is actually perfectly harmless fun (well I say fun, did I mention before that it's dogshit?).  In addition, I'm fairly confident that the filmakers weren't trying to make any political statement, I saw it at a screening where they talked in depth about the film's creation, and questionable content aside, it was clear that their motivation was to simply represent the Warhammer 40K world with an authenticity that would please fans. 

Regardless of whether this is likely to corrupt the morals (like they need corrupting) of your average 13 year old boy, who is presumably the target demographic, is ultimately neither here nor there, the film corrupts your will to live, which is surely more dangerous.

The other day I decided to cancel a subscription to an online movie rental package (after all two was probably a little excessive).  Although I expected my last rentals would probably arrive back within the allocated time, I was cutting it a little fine and didn’t want next month’s payment to be taken out automatically before they’d registered the return of the DVDs.

I checked my online bank account and the rental package wasn’t included amongst my direct debits, so figured it must be something I was paying for through my debit card.  Turns out it was a Continuous Payment Authority (CPA).  I rang the Co-op, who provided the account in question, to ask them to cancel any future payments from the rental company.  I was told that I needed to cancel the payments with the company themselves.  I explained that I’d already cancelled the package but wanted to make sure that no further payments could be taken.  I laid it on pretty thick, stating how important it was that the payment didn’t go out because I couldn’t afford it, etc. Again, they insisted that it was out of their hands and that short of starting somekind of long winded dispute that would have taken weeks; there was nothing within their powers to help my situation.  I would have probably just accepted their word for it had I not vaguely recalled something I heard on the radio about banks not following the regulations in such circumstances.  So I had a quick Google and came across a very useful page on the FSA (Financial Services Authority) website which very clearly stated what banks’ obligations were regarding regular card payments. 

With my newfound consumer confidence I rang the Co-op a second time, simply requesting a cancellation for all future payments to the DVD rental company.  Once again I was told that there was nothing they could do and that I really did have to contact the company themselves.  I informed them that according to FSA guidelines they were obliged to stop payments directly if I instructed them to.  Suddenly their assured but supposedly understanding and helpful tone changed.  They became a little vague and non-committal but essentially said they would ensure no further payments were taken from my account.  I told the chap on the phone that I thought it was a pretty poor service to be told by two of the Co-op’s representatives that I couldn’t do something that they knew full well was my legal right.  They mumbled something about “taking note of my concerns”, so point made I left it at that.

In my case it was only £15 but it could easily have been a stress inducing larger figure, or a variable amount with questionable validity.  Whilst you do have the right to cancel these payments, I should be clear that you are still liable for any money you may owe, but I know I’d rather dispute the matter with my money safely in my wallet.

After anticipating it for literally years, and travelling the 160 mile round trip to our nearest screening, I finally got to see Iron Sky last night.  I'd obviously been hoping it was amazing, but having seen the filmmakers' previous effort Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning my expectations were not too high; I basically loved the concept, admired the devotion and passion of those involved and just the fact that it was a participatory film.

It's easy to pick holes in Iron Sky, the CGI and humour were hit and miss and the whole production has a shambolic amateur feel to it, but if approached with a simple willingness to be entertained, I don't think it disappoints.  There are great characters and  some laugh out loud moments, the scene with the Indian representative (who incidentally looks a lot like Norwich's Puppet Man) at a conference of world leaders springs to mind, and most importantly it has moon Nazis and big explosive space battles.  Well worth checking out when it is released on DVD in a couple of days.

Check out Tug Wilson's interview with Iron Sky director Timo Vuorensola

Last night I went to the cinema to see Safe, which was perfectly enjoyable in a ridiculous way, with the always good value Jason Statham.  However, it was one of the trailers I saw before the film, that I'm a little more excited about.  The Raid looks like the sort of film that has enough ultra-violent fueled energy to power a small country.  Twenty SWAT cops storm a 30 storey tower block, run by a vicious crime lord, encountering non-stop bloodthirsty nastiness on each floor.  Bring it on!  Out in cinemas, 18th May.

If you can't wait another week for high rise apartment fun, and want something considerably less slick, check out Tenement on DVD, which has a similar theme.  The residents of a tower block grass up their local drug dealers and soon learn to regret it, once the gang are released back into the community.  The gang work their way up the floors, attacking each apartment, getting their revenge on the residents inside. 

Tenement has a really grungy tone, like other New York films from the time, such as The Warriors.  Whilst The Warriors also had a dilapidated bleak feel to it, the film was nonetheless good fun.  Tenement is much more brutal, and had it been made with more skill it could have been quite a powerful, if nihilistic film.  Interestingly, for such a masculine film, it was made by a female director, one Roberta Findaly, who with her husband Michael, made numerous pornographic/exploitation films during the sixties and seventies.  Check out The Flesh Trilogy to see their art at its finest. 

I've been looking forward to the release of Iron Sky for a long time now, in 2010 I was chuffed to have had the opportunity to interview the director Timo Vuorensola and my excitement hasn't abated since.  Just from speaking to other people, I know I'm not alone.  

It seems Iron Sky's distributor Revolver may be underestimating the potential pulling power of this much anticipated movie, as they have only allocated one day's screening in UK cinemas.  Surely it's the sort of high concept fun that will attract the crowds; it's about Moon Nazis for fuck's sake!

Anyway, if you're wanting the opportunity to see this film projected, and don't want to be pinned down to watching it on the one day that is scheduled, then take a few minutes to help the team at Iron Sky get their film the release it deserves:


STEP 1: CONTACT Revolver Entertainment, and tell them what you think of their plans to release Iron Sky for just one day to cinemas in UK. Please email to [email protected].

STEP 2: LET THEM KNOW what you think also on their Facebook page – www.facebook.com/revolverentertainment – and on their Twitter feed – @ironskyuk

STEP 3: DEMAND to see Iron Sky in your local film theatres. Go to www.ironsky.net/demand and place your Demand.

STEP 4: SPREAD THE WORD and machinate your friends to join the campaign also. Share this link everywhere on the Internet; let’s make sure Revolver hears your voice.

Scream Bloody Murder is a film that I knew nothing about before sticking into my DVD player the other night, just something I downloaded on a whim from Cinemageddon.

I all started quite promising, uncomfortably salacious school uniforms, incredibly lewd camera shots, bawdy dialogue and the promise of 'screaming bloody murder'.

Now, I've watched a lot worse (a lot worse) but ultimately it was just dull.  It had some potential, it was actually quite funny in places but a film of this type really needed more violence (there was very little), and I'm sorry to say comrade sisters, it also needed some gratuitous nudity (it had none).  For it's school report, it would be marked 'could do better'.

For my first blog post, I thought I'd write a little something on one of my all time favourite exploitation films, The Sinful Dwarf.

The opening sequence is just fantastic.  Olaf (played by Torben Bille), the titular little guy, is prowling the streets when he chances upon a young woman (child?) playing hopscotch.  He has one of those squeaking, somersaulting soft electronic dogs on a lead, which works its magic on the girl, enabling him to lure her back to his guest house.  Once there, walking cane raised in hand and unbelievably sinister gurn on face, Olaf boinks her on the head and her life as an attic sex slave is soon to begin.  This introduction serves well in setting up the audience’s expectations for this grubby little film.  It turns out that Lila Lashe, Olaf’s mother and proprietor of the guest house/brothel, has quite the collection of drugged out prisoners in her loft.  She's a shrewd business woman, and knows when to cut her losses, "Betty's using far too much heroin, there's not much profit in Betty anymore".  When she’s not pimping them out to the local men, or trying to smuggle drugs, her and her friend enjoy gin soaked reminiscences of her cabaret days.

There's a pretty lifeless plot involving a young couple staying at the guest house, but the screen presence of the wonderfully twisted Torben Bille plus the general hideous inappropriateness of it all, means you're unlikely to lose interest.  Despite (because of) its sordid nature, it’s actually a hell of a lot of fun.