Campbell Soup - welcoming Alistair Campbell with a big tin of Campbell's Bullshit Soup.
That guardian of democracy and campaigner for the rights of the common man Alistair Campbell had decided to come to Norfolk on his lucrative speaking tour. Unfortunately he decided to miss Norwich out (could this be do with the warm welcomes awarded to the Queen, Madeleine Albright etc?), but decided it would be safe to visit Kings Lynn – wrong.
Off we set, a small but determined band, armed only with a feeling of moral outrage and a crate of doctored/indoctrinated Campbell’s Soup tins. A sticker on the front of the tins changed it to ‘Campbell’s Bullshit Soup’, a sticker on the back read ‘cooking instructions: spin furiously for seven years, then deny all responsibility for the mess you’ve created.’
Kings Lynn – we have arrived at the Corn Exchange (bloody Corn Laws!) Theatre, home, for one night only to that bastion of Blairism, the arch crony himself, Alistair Campbell!
We set up our small banner and can pyramid and proceeded to picket the theatre – immediately a security guard came out – took one look at us and scurried in – within ten minutes a car pulled up in the car park and four more burly security guards came out and entered the theatre – great. We have arrived and we are costing them money!
Off we set, a small but determined band, armed only with a feeling of moral outrage and a crate of doctored/indoctrinated Campbell’s Soup tins. A sticker on the front of the tins changed it to ‘Campbell’s Bullshit Soup’, a sticker on the back read ‘cooking instructions: spin furiously for seven years, then deny all responsibility for the mess you’ve created.’
Kings Lynn – we have arrived at the Corn Exchange (bloody Corn Laws!) Theatre, home, for one night only to that bastion of Blairism, the arch crony himself, Alistair Campbell!
We set up our small banner and can pyramid and proceeded to picket the theatre – immediately a security guard came out – took one look at us and scurried in – within ten minutes a car pulled up in the car park and four more burly security guards came out and entered the theatre – great. We have arrived and we are costing them money!
Just then two young ladies came out in staff uniforms, “We’ve never seen protesters here before!” they giggled, “Just wait until the coach arrives!” say I – ten minutes later four more security guards arrive! Great!
The public start to arrive – the local landed gentry are in evidence, “We hate him too – far to left wing!” - a few left wingers, “You’ve inspired us to give him hell!” and a mad old Tory lady farmer who said “bloody Campbell’s Soup wouldn’t buy my celery crop a few years back – does Alistair Campbell own the company?” “No” ,I say, “but he certainly doesn’t support the small man against the multinationals.” “Right,” says she, “we’ll see about that!”
Toady Alert! Toady Alert! – Who is this chap looking like Toad from Toad Hall? “Who’s paying you do this?” says he. “No one, we are the concerned citizens of Norfolk, and you are?” “I’m Campbell’s Press Manager – who’s paid you to do this?” “Gordon Brown!” say I. He turned white – “Give this tin to Alistair with all our love” – In he struggled with the tin. “Are you coming in?” “No, I support this Government’s policy that criminal shouldn’t profit from their crimes, but if Alistair would donate us some spare tickets we’re willing to come in and debate!” No tickets arrived!
Only about fifty people came, most supported us, mainly Tories. One chap went in after a chat with us, and then came back out – victory! We’ve turned someone back! “Oh no,” he says, “I went in for a ticket to Herman’s Hermits next week!”
All but two of our tins went into the theatre, and Campbell knew we were there, these people have to be held accountable for the way they run the country/world. Campbell has been toadying up to all those horrid politicians both here and abroad (especially the US – he has advised the Bush Administration on media management, drinking tea with Rumsfeld whist Iraq burns!), and Kings Lynn needs more demonstrations!
As we drove out we noticed – a dirty great Campbell’s Soup factory!
The public start to arrive – the local landed gentry are in evidence, “We hate him too – far to left wing!” - a few left wingers, “You’ve inspired us to give him hell!” and a mad old Tory lady farmer who said “bloody Campbell’s Soup wouldn’t buy my celery crop a few years back – does Alistair Campbell own the company?” “No” ,I say, “but he certainly doesn’t support the small man against the multinationals.” “Right,” says she, “we’ll see about that!”
Toady Alert! Toady Alert! – Who is this chap looking like Toad from Toad Hall? “Who’s paying you do this?” says he. “No one, we are the concerned citizens of Norfolk, and you are?” “I’m Campbell’s Press Manager – who’s paid you to do this?” “Gordon Brown!” say I. He turned white – “Give this tin to Alistair with all our love” – In he struggled with the tin. “Are you coming in?” “No, I support this Government’s policy that criminal shouldn’t profit from their crimes, but if Alistair would donate us some spare tickets we’re willing to come in and debate!” No tickets arrived!
Only about fifty people came, most supported us, mainly Tories. One chap went in after a chat with us, and then came back out – victory! We’ve turned someone back! “Oh no,” he says, “I went in for a ticket to Herman’s Hermits next week!”
All but two of our tins went into the theatre, and Campbell knew we were there, these people have to be held accountable for the way they run the country/world. Campbell has been toadying up to all those horrid politicians both here and abroad (especially the US – he has advised the Bush Administration on media management, drinking tea with Rumsfeld whist Iraq burns!), and Kings Lynn needs more demonstrations!
As we drove out we noticed – a dirty great Campbell’s Soup factory!
This review came from issue 6 of Now or Never - to get a copy of issue 6 check out our back issues